Tying the Knot (2004)

“You cannot tell people they can’t fall in love.”

“Tying the Knot”, a documentary from Jim de Seve examines the extremely controversial topic of gay marriage. The documentary blends footage of protests, comments by historians, and speeches by politicians with the very real dilemmas faced by gay couples in America. Years ago, I naively thought that just leaving a will would take care of a surviving gay partner. “Tying the Knot” examines the fate of two gay couples and these stories illustrate how the law fails to protect the surviving partner in the event of death. One of the couples–Mickie and Lois–policewomen in Florida–went through a marriage ceremony together, but after Lois’s death in the line of duty, her pension did NOT fall to her partner–but to her family instead. In another example, Earl and Sam lived together for 22 years, and after Sam’s death, Earl was supposed to inherit his property. A technicality in Sam’s will swung in Sam’s cousin’s favour, and Earl was tossed out of his former home. If gay marriage were legal, both Mickie and Earl would have been recognized as the surviving spouse, and they would have received all the associated benefits from that. But instead, both Mickie and Earl–not only have to cope with their grief and loss of a life partner, but also have to cope with all the legal fallout from the law’s failure to recognize them as little more than roommates. As the filmmaker points out, marriage “takes care” of all the legalities “with one stroke.”

But the documentary also raises some thought-provoking questions that go beyond just asking who gets the property in the event of a death. Gay marriage–by granting legal status–also guarantees many other legal protections–even such innocuous rights as hospital visitation, for example. What exactly is so offensive about allowing gays to marry–isn’t marriage about “fidelity, and commitment”? And yet those opposed to gay marriage use the “big lie of the Family Value debate”–the idea that gays just want to get married so they can ruin the institution for some bizarre reason.

The film shows gay activists visiting city hall and trying to apply for marriage licenses on Valentine’s Day. Somehow, when you see the gay couples lined up (some have been together for decades), it just seems ridiculous that they are turned away. The film argues that the institution of marriage has altered through the ages to accommodate social changes, and it uses the example of an interracial couple–the Lovings–who married in the 1960s at a time in which their union was not recognized by the state they lived in.

While I doubt that “Tying the Knot” will change the minds of those vehemently opposed to gay marriage, it’s likely that the film will open the minds of those who wonder what the big debate is all about. Why does anyone get married? Love, commitment and security all seem like valid reasons marriage, and as one man remarked in the film “If you don’t like same sex marriage, don’t have one.”