“The butler was half-stewed, glued and tattooed.”

The VHS tape, Carry On The Prisoner of Splenda contains three made-for-television programmes featuring the Carry On team. These three Carry On programmes aired on British television in January 1975

In The Prisoner of Splenda–a spoof of Anthony Hope’s novel, The Prisoner of Zenda–Arnold and Vera Basket (Sid James & Barbara Windsor) travel to Pluritania on their honeymoon. Meanwhile the Crown Prince of Pluritania (also Sid James) has been kidnapped by the evil Duke Boris (David Lodge) and is imprisoned in a dungeon. Count Yerkackers (Peter Butterworth) and his aide Colonel Yackoff (Jack Douglas) try to enlist the help of Arnold Basket in impersonating the Crown Prince

The Nine Old Cobblers is a spoof of Dorothy Sayers’ novel The Nine Tailors. After a murder occurs in a small village, Lord Peter Flimsy (Jack Douglas) receives a mysterious telegram containing the code word “knickers.” Taking along his faithful-and far more intelligent butler, Punter, Lord Flimsy sets out to solve the crime. Joan Sims plays Amelia Forbus, Flimsy’s drum-bashing friend–with great aplomb, and Barbara Windsor plays Maisie, the owner of the local pub.

Lord Peter Flimsy and Punter appear again in the third and final episode: The Case of the Coughing Parrot. When a corpse is found inside the sarcophagus of King Ramitupum, they are called into investigate. Dr. Janis Crunbitt (Joan Sims) is in charge of the sarcophagus which was intended to be part of the Wapping Collection.

Of the three episodes, Carry on Prisoner of Splenda is the weakest and this affects the overall rating for the VHS tape. However, the two other episodes–both parodies of Dorothy Sayers/Lord Peter Wimsey–are very clever and funny. Carry On’s Lord Flimsy is obviously as thick as a brick–while poor under-appreciated Punter does all the work of crime solving. These two episodes contain much stronger supporting roles for the rest of the cast. This is great nostalgic fun for Carry On fans.

“You look lovely. Full of Eastern promise.”

“Carry On Spying” is a spoof of the secret agent film genre, and it certainly acts as an antidote to those impossibly slick James Bond films. In “Carry On Spying”, a foreign agent from STENCH (The Society for the Total Extinction of Non Conforming Humans) steals a secret formula, and a crew of bumbling British agents are sent in pursuit. Agent Desmond Simpkins (the preening, snooty Kenneth Williams) is in charge of the mission and is accompanied by three other trainee agents–Harold Crump (Bernard Cribbins), Daphne Honeybutt (Barbara Windsor), and Charlie Bind (Charles Hawtrey). The four “most stupid agents Britain ever produced” head for Vienna, and end up in Morocco where Daphne Honeybutt uses her considerable charms to get the formula from foreign agent, the Fat Man.

Barbara Windsor always portrayed a bubbly–but often dense character–and the role of Daphne Honeybutt is a classic for this actress. Daphne, with her photographic memory, is actually the most competent of the four agents–but the men on the team hold her back with their general ineptitude. She’s even told, “to stay in your room like a good girl” at one point. Most Carry On films include one male character who dresses (rather preposterously) as a woman, and in “Carry On Spying”, Bernard Cribbins teams with the luscious, pert Barbara Windsor in a harem scene at Hakim’s Fun House.

Carry On films were a series of tremendously popular lowbrow comedy films made over a period of several decades in Britain. The Carry On team included some of the best talent in the British acting industry. Sid James–one of the Carry On team’s most popular members is absent from “Carry On Spying”, but if you’re a fan of the series, you’ll want to watch it. It’s not hysterically funny, but it’s good natured, silly fun, with some very popular members of the team wearing preposterous disguises while suffering through some wildly perilous situations.

“That’s all I need–a face full of soggy knickers.”

In Carry On at Your Convenience there’s a crisis at the Boggs Toilet Factory. The factory is on the verge of bankruptcy, but factory owner W.C. Boggs (Kenneth Williams) refuses to listen to his son Lewis’s (Richard O’Callaghan) suggestion to make money by manufacturing bidets. When Lewis appears with a contract for 1,000 bidets, W.C gives in. But there’s a problem–the sheik who ordered the bidets needs them within 2 months in time for the annual ‘Av-a-Nibble festival during which he visits all 1,000 wives. The pressure is on to complete the order before the deadline and save the factory from ruin.

A number of sub-plots add to the mayhem. Lewis is chasing after Myrtle Plummer (Jacki Piper) the daughter of foreman Sid Plummer (Sid James). Strike-happy union shop steward Vic Spanner (Kenneth Cope) is also pursuing Myrtle. Meanwhile back at the Plummer home, Mrs. Plummer (Hattie Jacques) relentlessly tries to get the budgie to talk while she nags Sid about his gambling losses. The film culminates in the annual works outing to Brighton, and the outing degenerates into a pub-crawl.

Charles Hawtrey appears as a sly toilet designer, Charles Coote. Bernard Bresslaw is Bernie Hulke–Vic’s sidekick. Joan Sims appears as Chloe Moore, Sid’s extra-marital interest, and Patsy Rowlands plays the lovelorn secretary Hortence Withering. For those who’ve never seen a Carry-On film, the Carry-On films were made over a period of almost three decades. The Carry-On team was composed of a core of the greatest comic talent in Britain, and while the films also included new talent, Carry-On fans always knew they could count on seeing some of their old favourites. Carry-On films are bawdy, loaded with cliches and sexual innuendo, and so if that sort of comedy appeals to you, you are guaranteed to enjoy yourself. Carry On at Your Convenience is particularly interesting as its bottom-smacking humour occurs largely at the workplace, and the film was made before anyone had heard of the term ’sexual harassment.’ For those of us who are Carry-On fans, Carry On at Your Convenience will create a pleasant state of nostalgia.

“Never mind whose knickers they were.”

The Carry On team is unleashed in Africa–the “land of unbridled passions” in the hilarious film, Carry On Up the Jungle. A team of British subjects–led by safari guide Bill Boosey (Sid James) goes deep into the heart of the jungle. Professor Inago Tinkle (Frankie Howerd) and his assistant, Lord Chumley (Kenneth Connor) are on a quest to discover a rare and supposedly extinct bird. Lady Evelyn Bagley (Joan Sims) is searching for her husband and baby who both disappeared 20 years before.

During their adventures, safari members run into a curious gorilla, a chubby, lonely Tarzan (Terry Scott), and a fierce tribe of Cannibals–the Noshers (”keep hoping they don’t like stuffing!”). Bill Boosey’s secret drinking is constantly interrupted by the latest safari disaster, and Lady Evelyn assumes she’s the centre of all the pent-up male desire in the camp.

Kenneth Williams is absent from this Carry On film, but Frankie Howerd plays one of the lead comic roles. Howerd was an extremely popular and saucy British comedian who had his own television series Up Pompeii. And while Kenneth Williams’ absence is noted, Howerd is extremely good in this role as the fussy ornithologist. Bernard Bresslaw plays the guide Upsidaisi, and Charles Hawtrey also appears in a small role.

For those unfamiliar with Carry On films–Carry On films were a series of extremely popular lowbrow British comedy films that were made over the course of about 30 years. The Carry On team was comprised of regulars who represented the best British comedic talent of the day. New faces were added for each film, and the viewer could always count on being entertained by the cliche-ridden jokes loaded with double entendre. Carry On Up the Jungle isn’t the strongest entry in the series, but it’s all good-natured fun for fans.

“If I hadn’t had to go to the gents to pin up my knickers, it wouldn’t have happened.”

Carry on Matron is one of the most popular films in the Carry On Series. This is due, in part, to the fact that the cast contains all the regulars–including the extremely popular Hattie Jacques as the Matron. When the story begins, crook Sid Carter (Sid James) gathers together his gang to plan the next heist. The gang’s goal is to steal birth control pills from the hospital and sell them on the black market. But first they need to know where the pills are stored. Sid’s son Cyril (Kenneth Cope) is sent into Finisham Maternity Hospital undercover as a nurse. Cyril immediately comes to the attention of the amorous, playboy Dr. Prodd (Terry Scott)-a man who “collects nurses like some men collect big game trophies.”

Kenneth Williams shines in his really funny role as the head of the hospital–the hypochondriac temperamental Sir Bernard Cutting. When he’s not imagining the symptoms of the latest disease, he starts imagining that he’s changing into a woman, and this has hilarious results. Hospital psychiatrist Dr. Francis A. Goode (Charles Hawtrey) listens to all of Bernard Cutting’s woes, and offers some interesting solutions. Bouncy, giggly Barbara Windsor stars as Nurse Ball, and Kenneth Connor stars as the long-suffering Mr. Tidey–a man whose pregnant wife (Joan Sims) is having a great deal of fun eating everything in sight. The wonderful, much-loved comedienne, Hattie Jacques is marvelous as the steely, disapproving Matron–a woman whose starchy uniform covers a heart that beats for Bernard. Some of the best scenes and lines occur in her bedroom when Bernard arrives to “prove himself.”

For those unfamiliar with Carry On films–these were a series of extremely popular lowbrow British comedies that were made over a period of several decades. The Carry On team was composed of a core group of comedians, and then new faces were added for each film. Cliche ridden, and full of double entendre, Carry On films succeeded so well partially thanks to the immense popularity of the stars.

“Thousands of men have been carried away after only an hour with me, Milord.”

Based on ‘lost manuscripts’, the British comedy film Carry On Henry VIII reveals the dark juicy fact that King Henry VIII really had 8 wives–not six as the history books tell us. Carry On Henry VIII is the story of these two forgotten wives. When the film begins, Henry merrily attends the beheading of one queen, and seconds later he rushes in to marry his next choice–Marie of Normandy (Joan Sims). The problem with Marie is she insists on chewing garlic before Henry comes to bed, and Henry is so annoyed, he decides he wants to get rid of her too. Since Marie is the cousin of the King of France, it’s not that easy to dispose of her. Henry calls on his loyal subjects–the sleazy Cardinal Wolsey (Terry Scott) and the crafty Thomas Cromwell (Kenneth Williams) to solve the situation.

Leaving his ministers with the task of finding a way to either get rid of Marie or ease him out of the marriage, Henry distracts himself by pursuing his favourite sport–hunting for wenches around the countryside. Meanwhile, back at the palace, Sir Rodger de Lodgerley, (Charles Hawtrey) the king’s official taster is sampling Queen Marie as well. This leads to sojourns in the tower, and confessions extracted by torture. Henry then casts his eyes on the luscious Lady Bettina (Barbara Windsor), and thinks she’d make a perfect new Queen–if he can just get rid of the old one.

Carry On Henry VIII shows the Carry-On team at their best. The story of Henry the VIII and his six wives is perfect for this type of comedy, and the plot isn’t shy about erroneously mixing up Guy Fawkes into the story. What’s so particularly funny about this film is that it distills the story of Henry VIII to its grosser, most transparent elements. The behind-the-scenes depictions of corrupt politics and negotiations are great fun, but the film stands firm on the talent of the Carry-On team. For those who are not familiar with Carry-On films, these films were a highly successful series produced over a period of three decades. The ‘team’ consisted of a core of British comedy talent, and then new comedians added to the fun with each film. The humour used in Carry-On films is not subtle–it’s bawdy, cliche-ridden and loaded with double entendre. Sid James and Barbara Windsor had a real-life love affair, and I think it shows.

 “Come here, you little raver.”

In the town of Much-Snoggin-on-the Green, Sid Bliss (Sid James) and long time girlfriend Sophie Plummer (Hattie Jacques) own the Wedded Bliss Marriage Agency. Sid has steadily avoided matrimony for decades, but since that doesn’t look good for business, Sid and Sophie pretend to be a happily married couple. Squabbles break out between Sophie and Sid concerning the female clientele–he says it’s his job to ‘vet’ each one personally. His latest obsession is with dressmaker Esme Crowfoot (Joan Sims). Suspecting that Sid is meeting Esme on the sly, Sophie employs private detective James Bedsop (Charles Hawtrey) to record Sid’s every move.

In Carry on Loving a range of lonely singles seek romance through the Wedded Bliss agency, and in true Carry On tradition, most of it goes wrong. There’s undertaker’s assistant Bertram Muffet (Richard O’Callaghan) who makes model aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops, raver-seeking Terence Philpot (Terry Scott), dowdy Jenny Grubb (Imogen Hassall) who lives in a mausoleum of disapproving relatives, and Percival Snooper (Kenneth Williams), a marriage counselor who’s a fussy confirmed bachelor. Patsy Rowlands stars as Miss Dempsey–Snooper’s Jekyll & Hyde housekeeper.

Carry On films were a series of tremendously popular lowbrow comedy films made over a period of several decades in Britain. The Carry On team included some of the best talent in the British acting industry. Carry On comedy relies on cliches and double entrendre, and Carry On Loving is one of the saucier entries in the series. While some familiar faces are missing from this Carry On film, it’s still great fun and sheer delight to watch it again after so many years.

“I don’t care about Equalities and Fraternities, but I’m not having the Liberties.”

Carry On Don’t Lose Your Head is one of the funniest entries in this popular British comedy film series. Two English dandies, Sir Rodney Ffing (Sid James) and Lord Darcy Pue (Jim Dale) are so appalled by the brutality of the French Revolution, they decide to hop over to France and start saving the aristocrats. Donning various disguises, Ffing and Pue engineer a series of daring rescues–conducted by the mysterious “Black Fingernail.” Soon the dreaded Head of The Secret Police–Camembert (Kenneth Williams) and his sidekick, Citizen Bidet (Peter Butterworth) are on the scent of the Black Fingernail. When the Duc de Pommfrit (Charles Hawtrey) is boldly rescued from the guillotine’s blade, Robespierre (Peter Gilmore) is furious, and Camembert knows he must stop at nothing to get the Fingernail …

Camembert, Bidet, and Desiree Dubarry (Joan Sims) head to England to uncover the identity of the mysterious Black Fingernail. In their possession is a set of false teeth that will lead to the man they seek. Camembert and Desiree pose as the Duke and Duchess de la Plume de Ma Tante, and of course, they fail horribly to blend into the exiled French community in England.

The main reason this is one of the funniest Carry On films is that such great comedic roles are created for Sid James, Charles Hawtrey, Kenneth Williams, and Joan Sims, and these four characters integrate incredibly well together. There’s a bizarre relationship between Bidet and Camembert that gives a lot of laughs, and their relationship is in contrast to the relationship between the two society dandies–Ffing and Pue. The script is packed with some of the best lines from Carry On–”I come from a poor family, Miss, and we couldn’t afford luxuries like you.” “When you undress, it’s like emptying a dustbin.” “No, you cannot have a bit of a prod.” “Why can’t they eat frog’s legs and snails like normal people?” At times the lines lapse into a very funny blend of French and English and this creates a great comic effect

For those who aren’t familiar with the Carry On series, these films were highly successful lowbrow British comedies that were made for a period of several decades. The Carry On team was composed of ‘regulars’ who represented the best talent in the business, and new faces were added for each film.

“I seem to have got a little plastered.”

The British comedy film Carry On Up the Khyber is set in 19th century India and concerns the British 3rd Foot and Mouth Regiment known as “The Devils in Skirts.” The regiment’s fearsome reputation and the knowledge that they wear nothing under their kilts, keeps the natives from throwing the British out of India. Bandit Bundgit Din (Bernard Bresslaw) catches Private Widdle (Charles Hawtrey) wearing undies. This knowledge gets back to the Khasi of Kalabar (Kenneth Williams), and Bundgit Din and the Khasi plot an attack on the British through the Khyber Pass.

Carry On Up the Khyber places Carry On team members in some great roles. Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond (Sid James) is the crafty British Governor of Kalabar, and he’s married to (and saddled with) Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond (Joan Sims). She has “hidden fires” and an enormous crush on the Khasi. Peter Butterworth plays lecherous missionary, Brother Belcher–”I was just trying to give this young lady moral guidance.”

The film works well for several reasons. It takes actual historical events, and then perverts then in true Carry-On fashion. Also, the film takes stereotypes of British behaviour and then capitalizes on them. The British ’stiff upper lip’ (showing no emotion under adverse circumstances and acting as though everything is perfectly normal when it isn’t), is a British behaviour that’s put to comic use in the film. In one of the best scenes, Sir Ruff-Diamond insists on holding a dinner party while a battle rages outside. Everyone at the table accepts this behaviour as perfectly normal and rational–except for poor Brother Belcher who’s clearly terrified and doesn’t understand the rules of the game at all. Other British behaviours that are lampooned are: the addiction to tea, dress standards, and the sense of fair play. And then of course, the entire plot is built around the eternal question of what is worn under the kilt. For those unfamiliar with Carry On films, these much-loved films were made over a period of several decades in England. The Carry-On team was comprised of the best comic talent in the entertainment industry. Carry On fans–this is one you won’t want to miss.