Carry On the Prisoner of Splenda (1975)

“The butler was half-stewed, glued and tattooed.”

The VHS tape, Carry On The Prisoner of Splenda contains three made-for-television programmes featuring the Carry On team. These three Carry On programmes aired on British television in January 1975

In The Prisoner of Splenda–a spoof of Anthony Hope’s novel, The Prisoner of Zenda–Arnold and Vera Basket (Sid James & Barbara Windsor) travel to Pluritania on their honeymoon. Meanwhile the Crown Prince of Pluritania (also Sid James) has been kidnapped by the evil Duke Boris (David Lodge) and is imprisoned in a dungeon. Count Yerkackers (Peter Butterworth) and his aide Colonel Yackoff (Jack Douglas) try to enlist the help of Arnold Basket in impersonating the Crown Prince

The Nine Old Cobblers is a spoof of Dorothy Sayers’ novel The Nine Tailors. After a murder occurs in a small village, Lord Peter Flimsy (Jack Douglas) receives a mysterious telegram containing the code word “knickers.” Taking along his faithful-and far more intelligent butler, Punter, Lord Flimsy sets out to solve the crime. Joan Sims plays Amelia Forbus, Flimsy’s drum-bashing friend–with great aplomb, and Barbara Windsor plays Maisie, the owner of the local pub.

Lord Peter Flimsy and Punter appear again in the third and final episode: The Case of the Coughing Parrot. When a corpse is found inside the sarcophagus of King Ramitupum, they are called into investigate. Dr. Janis Crunbitt (Joan Sims) is in charge of the sarcophagus which was intended to be part of the Wapping Collection.

Of the three episodes, Carry on Prisoner of Splenda is the weakest and this affects the overall rating for the VHS tape. However, the two other episodes–both parodies of Dorothy Sayers/Lord Peter Wimsey–are very clever and funny. Carry On’s Lord Flimsy is obviously as thick as a brick–while poor under-appreciated Punter does all the work of crime solving. These two episodes contain much stronger supporting roles for the rest of the cast. This is great nostalgic fun for Carry On fans.

Place in the World (1992)

 “When you find your own place, you can’t desert it.”

A Place in the World–an Argentinean film–is a frame story. It begins with the adult Ernesto (Mariano Ortega) traveling back into the Argentinean countryside to his family’s former home, and then the story seeps back into Ernesto’s childhood.

The remainder of the story focuses on 12-year-old Ernesto’s (Gaston Batyi) life. He lives with his idealistic parents–his father, ex-professor Mario (Frederico Luppi) teaches the local children and his mother Ana (Cecilia Roth) is a doctor who is dependent on medical supplies sent by friends. Mario and Ana are clearly committed to helping others. Together they’ve formed a cooperative with the local shepherds, and they fight to maintain a united front against the wealthy landowners.

Hans (Jose Sacristan) a Spanish geologist arrives. He’s employed by one of the wealthiest landowners who believes there’s oil on his land. Hans–a lapsed anarchist–no longer feels strongly about anything. He left his belief system behind somewhere in his youth. Ernesto admires Hans, and the geologist soon becomes a frequent visitor to Mario and Ana’s home.

Many professional reviews tout A Place in the World as the best Argentinean film ever. It’s flagrant sentimentality and cliched script unfortunately renders it into mediocrity. 12-year-old Ernesto teaches the daughter of the richest, nastiest landowner how to read, for example. Sweet, touching … but also strikingly simplistic, unoriginal and maudlin. Instead of possessing unique, interesting characteristics, Hans, Mario, and Ana are two-dimensional and represent ‘types’ : Ana–the dedicated, self-sacrificing doctor, Hans–the stranger who learns to believe in something again, and Mario, the noble suffering teacher. Ultimately–given the rave reviews this film received–it was disappointing and dull. It’s passable, but nothing extraordinary–more like some sort of Hallmark Film of the Week. Directed by Adolfo Aristarin, A Place in the World is in Spanish with English subtitles.

Common Wealth (2000)

 “I could go around the world until I get dizzy.”

The Spanish comedy Common Wealth (La Comunidad) from director Alex de la Iglesia is for those who like their comedy dark, energetic, full of surprises and packed with peculiar characters. Think Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown meets Shallow Grave with an element of Neighbours thrown in for good measure. It’s brilliant, extremely funny, and also somewhat macabre.

Savvy Madrid Real estate agent Julia (Carmen Maura) has to sell a beautiful, posh apartment. It’s the sort of place that she and her mismatched husband could never afford. She invites him over to whoop it up and suggests that they “savagely desecrate this holy waterbed” little realizing that enjoying material comforts they can never afford is something he’d rather not be exposed to. Julia’s relationship with her bouncer husband captures the essence and pettiness of domestic squabbles that are laced with subtle yet bitter recriminations based on financial disappointments. While romping around, Julia makes the horrible discovery that the apartment upstairs contains the rotting corpse of a reclusive millionaire. When she uncovers the dead man’s secret stash of money, Julia realizes (the hard way) that the apartment building’s tenants consider the money theirs and will stop at nothing to get the money away from her.

Common Wealth contains the sort of wild, frenetic energy that’s reminiscent of Almodovar, and the film’s clever plot twists keep the viewer engaged to the very end. The first half of the film is much stronger (and funnier) than the second half, but it’s a powerfully funny, engaging package. The story explores the voracious nature of human greed, and how seemingly ‘normal’ people revert to their uglier, baser instincts when a large sum of money is at stake. The comedy element here is fresh and just unhinged enough to be absolutely marvelous. Julia is a splendid creation–she’s hard-edged, ambitious, and crafty, and all these characteristics rise to the surface under adversity. One of the best characters is the middle-aged son of one of the tenants who sports a Darth Vader costume to become a Vader Voyeur. When discussing Julia, he suggests “we should take her to the dark side.” If you enjoy this film, I also recommend Crimen Perfecto (aka Crimen Ferpecto). In Spanish with English subtitles.

The Stars’ Caravan (2000)

 “It was an honour to bring culture to the nomads.”

The Stars’ Caravan is a documentary that’s a feast for the eyes, but short on structure. Set in the former Soviet Republic of Kyrgyzstan, the film shows the trials of an intrepid projectionist, who’s determined, in spite of savage budget cuts (thanks to the collapse of the Soviet Union) to take film to the remotest corners of his country. He travels mainly on horse back to the areas dominated by nomadic tribes, and here, with his projection equipment, he shows such classics as Motorcycle Gangsters. In other scenes, (in more urban areas) a few people crowd into the ‘cinema’–in reality, this is a large room where people watch a VHS cassette on a small television.

The trials of the determined projectionist mingle with the footage of old Soviet propaganda films, clips of the story of the national 9th century hero Manas, and news reports of a hostage situation. Visually, the film is stunning, and one scene even shows a man using an eagle to hunt (something you’re not likely to see every day). Interesting comments, such as the projectionist’s observations that he can be both communist and a Muslim: “we’ve lived through so many political systems” are juxtaposed with such inconsequential stuff as the outpatient lancing of a boil. Unfortunately, the lack of structure is ultimately disappointing, and the 60 minute film remains impressionistic rather than substantive. Directed by Arto Halonen, The Stars’ Caravan  (aka Taivasta Vasten) is in Kyrgyz and Russian with English subtitles.

Where the Truth Lies

“There was nothing under the sun Vince and I wouldn’t do for each other.”

“Where The Truth Lies” from director Atom Egoyan, is based on the best-selling novel by Rupert Holmes and is an ultimately drab tale about a 15 year old murder. Reporter Karen O’Connor (Alison Lohman) has a book contract that’s worth a million dollars to its subject, Vince Collins (Colin Firth). Collins was one half of a comedy team, and the other half was Lanny Morris (Kevin Bacon). Collins and Morris broke up 15 years earlier at the height of their success, following the conclusion of their annual Polio telethon in 1957. After they finished the telethon, they were flown to a swanky hotel for a grand opening, and there, in their luxurious suite, the body of a naked girl was found in their bath. After the discovery of the body, Vince and Lanny broke up, and haven’t spoken since.

Karen O’Connor wants to get to the bottom of the break-up and also discover the truth about the dead girl, Maureen O’Flaherty (Rachel Blanchard).

Director Egoyan (normally a great personal favourite) shapes the Holmes novel with his own common theme of mis-placed affection between two characters. In “Where the Truth Lies”, the highly improbable coincidence of Karen’s childhood meeting with Lanny causes her to nurse a misplaced sentimentality towards the comedy team–Lenny in particular. Egoyan’s use of video–prevalent in his films–is evident here is his perfect recreation of the 50s and the 70s.

Kevin Bacon attempts to insert energy into his role, but Colin Firth seems morosely out of place. As a mystery, the film fails on many levels. The convoluted plot (handled deftly by the author Holmes) is ripped to shreds, and the remaining threads are not solved by detective work–but instead the plot places an over reliance on explication as various light bulbs go off in Karen’s head.

The Rupert Holmes novel loses its very best parts with this translation to the screen. The edge-of-the-seat suspense is absent, as are the clever plot twists and turns, and also–sadly–the marvelously complicated three main characters–Karen, Lenny and Vince, are flattened and duller. In the novel, Karen is as necessarily devious as her two slippery male subjects, but the film version can’t quite seem to make up its mind and land on a definite essence for Karen. She swings from naive innocence and a misplaced idolization of these two entertainers to swinging, pill-popping acquiescence. A complicated multi-dimensional character in the novel, she’s reduced to immature perkiness in the film. Films don’t have to follow the novel faithfully–a film version can offer delightful new insights and interpretations. Unfortunately, “Where the Truth Lies” fails as both a mystery and as a thriller, and it remains a mediocre story.

Red Cherry (1995)

 “You are fortunate to be a work of art.”

Red Cherry from director Daying Ye is based on the true story of ChuChu (Ke-Yu Guo) a 13-year-old Chinese girl who’s attending the International School in Moscow in 1940. ChuChu–who witnessed the public execution of her revolutionary father in China–is no stranger to cruelty and violence when German troops overrun a summer camp in Belarus. ChuChu is just one of several children captured by the Nazis. The film follows the fate of ChuChu, Carl Zhang–a German-Chinese student, and Luo (Xiaoling Xu), a 12-year-old Chinese boy.

ChuChu comes to the attention of a bizarre, one-legged Nazi general, a Dr. Von Dietricht whose hobby is tattooing. Kept as a servant within the walls of a monastery for several years, ChuChu becomes a subject for the Dr’s “artistic” whims.

Since Red Cherry is based on a true story, it seems crass to complain that the story is ugly and unpleasant. However, those watching the film should prepare themselves beforehand for several scenes that show close-ups of people–including children–who get their brains blown out at close quarters. The camera explores the lurid, exploitive machinations of the general in some relentless detail, and it does not try to avoid showing absolute brutality. Yet at the same time, the film also engages in moments of blatant sentimentality and cliched scenes depicting decadence. Consequently, Red Cherry is not a particularly easy or enjoyable film to watch. It’s wrenching, and tragic, but the film also seems to have a lingering fascination for some subjects that borders on lurid exploitation. In Mandarin, Russian and German with English subtitles.

The Confidant (Slushatel’) 2004

“Is the rubbish bin your idea of a love nest?”

The Confidant (AKA Slushatel) is a Russian comedy from writer/director Vladimir Zajkin. The CEO of a large Moscow company, Sergei Petrov (Nikita Vysotsky) returns unexpectedly to the office to find his glamourous wife in a compromising position on her desk with an employee. The wife doesn’t lose a beat–and this results in Petrov’s total public humiliation–and he also loses his wife (perhaps not a tragic event), his company, and his self-respect in one foul swoop. Now unemployed, depressed and morose, Petrov meets up with an old school friend Kulema (Mikhail Yefremov). Whereas Petrov’s life (up until the divorce) has been a model of success, Kulema has chosen to lead an entirely different life on the fringes of society.

After hitting rock bottom, Petrov decides to step back into society and apply for work. Kulema is amazed when Petrov lands a seemingly wonderful job that includes meals, board, and 5,000 rubles a week. He moves in with a middle class family and his job is to be a “listener.” While the job sounds like a dream, the reality is a nightmare. Basically, Petrov’s job is to absorb all the family’s frustrations and anger, and in this function, the family can communicate with each pleasantly and rationally while Petrov absorbs all the domestic unpleasantness. Father (Yevgeny Steblov) is a frustrated inventor, mother (Natalya Kolyakanova) is struggling–amongst other things–with her husband’s adultery, the disgruntled adult daughter (Lyubov Tolkalina) has just moved back home, and the bratty son (Gleb Bauer) is appallingly rude.

In one scene, Petrov, who hasn’t yet fully grasped the ramifications of his employment, tries to sit around the dinner table and eat with the family. The family members verbally and physically abuse Petrov while they treat each other perfectly normally and politely. These scenes set a discordant, disturbing note, and Russian comedy is certainly different from Western. Nonetheless, like all good comedies, The Confidant makes a larger statement about the pain of the human condition while stirring laughs at the protagonist along the way. The cuckold is a universally popular stock character for comedy, and Petrov fits the mold. He’s a nice man–a bit too nice–and immensely taken advantage of until he gains the mental stamina to fight back. In Russian with English subtitles.

Foul Play (1978)

“It’s just a training film-purely educational.”

Foul Play is a delightful romantic thriller from the 70s that’s managed to stand the test of time. Gloria Mundy (Goldie Hawn) is a recently divorced librarian who’s told by a friend that she needs to “take a chance.” After leaving a party, she drives home alone and taking her friend’s advice literally, she decides to take a chance and picks up hitchhiker, Scottie (Bruce Solomon). Gloria agrees to meet Scottie for a date, and soon she finds herself embroiled in an assassination plot organized by an underground revolutionary group. “Taking a chance” introduces Gloria to adventure, danger, and ultimately romance, as she’s soon pursued by a sinister scar faced villain, an albino, a dwarf, and a lonely conductor, Stanley Tibbetts (Dudley Moore).

Foul Play is a fun-filled, light-hearted escapist film, and its silly moments just add to the overall enjoyment. Gloria is a great character–her innocence and vulnerability draw her into trouble, and yet these are also the facets of her character that offer her a strange sort of protection. Detective Tony Carlson (Chevy Chase) is on hand to give Gloria all the protection she needs, and the film does a marvelous job of showing the magic of falling in love.

The supporting cast adds to the film’s mood–there’s Brian Dennehy as Fergie, Tony’s world-weary partner who writes Gloria off as a dingy nut case. Burgess Meredith plays Mr. Hennessey, Gloria’s martial arts savvy landlord, and Marilyn Sokol plays Gloria’s armed friend, Stella. But Dudley Moore steals the film and adds the funniest moments in his role as the lonely Stanley Tibbetts. He really can’t believe his luck when Gloria drags him back to his bachelor lair, and his surprise is soon replaced by eagerness. The scene when Dudley Moore dances to Staying Alive  has to be seen to be believed, and there are times I watch this scene just to cheer myself up. The film includes the theme song sung by Barry Manilow and gorgeous scenes of the spectacular Northern California coastline. From director Colin Higgins.

Masterpiece (Obra Maestra) 2000

“I belong to no one.”

In the Spanish comedy film, Masterpiece, close friends, film aficionados, and middle-aged losers Benito (Santiago Segura) and Carolo (Pablo Carbonell) dream of making a blockbuster film. Benito’s script, A World For Us, is a dreadful, drippy soap-opera story that will ‘star’ Carolo in the lead male role. The tacky plot includes several exotic locations and a few musical numbers. Benito and Carolo become obsessed with getting famous actress Amanda Castro (Ariadna Gil) to star in the film.

Amanda is right on the edge of ruining her career. She’s made it to the top, but now thanks to her addictions and emotional difficulties, she’s on the verge of becoming a has-been. When Benito and Carolo shove their script at her and beg her to read it, Amanda–who’s icy and as hard as nails–puts the script exactly where it belongs–in the rubbish bin. But Benito and Carolo aren’t easily dissuaded, and when the opportunity presents itself, they kidnap Amanda with the intention of convincing her to star in their rotten 8 mm film.

Masterpiece does an excellent job with its three main characters, and that’s one of the reasons for this film’s success. Benito and Carolo are so convincingly immersed in their delusional journey to fame, that they imagine Amanda will seize the chance at the role–if she can just be convinced of the film’s worthiness. They are so delusional that they fail to realize the yawning gap between their dreams and reality, and ultimately, the film is supposed to correct all the failures in their lives. This would all be pathetic, but it’s handled so well, it’s funny. In one scene, for example, Benito, who’s shooting the film with one hand, follows Carolo around with a showerhead for the scene that takes place in a rainstorm.

The film also addresses deeper questions regarding the privacy issues of actors/actresses whose lives are often regarded as ‘public domain’ by their fans. Both Benito and Carolo are ardent fans of Amanda, and they practically consider her participation in their film an entitlement. Amanda fights tooth and nail against participating in the film, but once she realizes she’s trapped, she goes through the experience hoping to just get it over with. In many ways, she’s delusional about her life too. She has the level of fame that Benito and Carolo long for, but she’s just throwing it away. Ultimately circumstances force the three main characters to come to some interesting conclusions about their lives. Directed by David Trueba, Masterpiece is in Spanish with English subtitles.

Welcome to Death Row (2001)

“The mainstreaming of deviance must come to an end”-Bob Dole

Welcome to Death Row is the story–or at least one of the stories–behind the most notorious label in the music business–Death Row Records. The tale of Death Row Records involves millions of dollars, secret deals, corruption, and murder, so it’s highly possible that the entire story behind Death Row Records will never be known.

Death Row Records was formed in 1992 by rapper Dr Dre and Suge Knight, a former bodyguard. The film argues that there was a third, silent partner, Michael Harris–known as Harry O–a former cocaine dealer who wanted to place some of his money into other enterprises. Mr. Harris was serving a 28-year sentence when he financed Death Row Records with 1.5 million. David Kenner, the criminal attorney for Harris also acted as a lawyer for Knight, and according to the film, he hooked up the two would-be entrepreneurs–Knight and Harris–and helped broker the deal.

Harris, who never appears, is heard in voice over comments throughout the film. Viewers should be aware that Lydia Harris, Michael’s wife acted as co-executive producer for the film, and litigation between Harris and Knight is a matter of record. It’s an incredible tale. Regardless of how Death Row Records was founded (with or without drug money), the company made millions. Death Row had the top names–including Dr Dre, Tupac Shakur, Snoop Dogg, but the situation at the record company disintegrated within a few short years. There are interviews with many artists who left the label, employees of the company, journalists, and other record company executives. Suge Knight even gives his version of events, and a fair sized portion of the film deals with the murder of Tupac Shakur (which remains unsolved at this time). Another intriguing section covers the role of C. Dolores Tucker, an activist who campaigned for censorship against the label. For anyone curious about the story behind the headlines, this film is recommended. There are several extras with this film–including additional info from Michael Harris, and scenes from the Death Row launch party in 1992, but most of these features are really quite lacklustre and anticlimactic.